FIRST
NO-CONTEST IN TB HISTORY!!! Quagmire
to Appeal to Frayser Supreme
Court for Re-Count
Final
Score: Quagmire Basins: 14, Cesspool
Plungers : 9
Why
wouldn't this happen to us in this
great land we call the United States?
I mean, for all of its honor and
prestige, what comes to mind is
red tape, and lawyer fees. So why
shouldn't there be a dispute for
a clearcut winner in the single
most, important sporting event of
the year? Instead of aking questions,
I will start off by answering questions.
And the best way to do that, is
with a post-game wrap-up!!
I
must admit, this had to be the most
uneventful TB in history! We had
no score until the last 2 minutes
of the 2nd quarter. Cesspool struck
first, with a long TD to some gibrone
in the endzone. (I can't remember
exactly who it was, because I was
playing, and it's all a blur to
me).
Quagmire
got the ball, on the Cesspool 20.
Cesspools relentless blitzing wore
down star QB, Lanny Willard, who
could find no recievers under the
pressure, resulting in a sack at
the 1 yd line. Next play...Mike
McGlasson breaks through the line,
virtually untouched and gets a safety,
making it Cesspool 9, Quagmire 0.
Things
are looking quite bleak for Quagmire,
and in a moment of true leadership,
Lanny Willard steps down, realizing
that for some reason, his team does
not like him at all.
Jeff
Hill takes the reigns and immediately
throws a bomb to one of our own
gibrones in the endzone (again,
I was trying my best to block the
man-child, Mike Mcglasson, so I
have no idea who it was who scored).
Cesspool 9, Quagmire 7.
Quagmire
intercepts a David Castle pass and
puts the mighty Basins in great
field postition at the 40 yd line.
Next play, Jeff Hill to Richie Willard.....Give...him....SIX!!!
At the half, Cesspool 9, Quagmire
14.
Two
miutes basically made the game.
How sad is that? I expect everyone
better start training now for next
year's game.
About
4 minutes into an uneventful third
quarter and the game stops for an
injury. Chuck Neal was going to
stop David Shelby, missing his flag,
and making knee- to knee contact.
While we were watching Dave do the
"curly shuffle" on the
ground, I noticed an older gentleman
talking to David Castle. It turns
out he was the Vice-Principal of
Briarcreast and was kicking us of
the field!
It
appears that they ( Briarcrest)
had changed the rules on using the
field and did not tell anyone. To
make a long story short, our contact
that gave us permission to use the
field, was not the "end all,
be all". Threatened with the
police, and weighing all consequences,
we decided to end the game. We do
not hold anyone responsible for
this unfortunate incident, but it
was a serious blow to the game.
So
with the score, Quagmire 14, Cesspool
9, the game ended. I could have
easily declared Quagmire the winner,
but as commissioner I could not
do that to Cesspool. And on that
note, since there was no winner,
we could not delcare an MVP!
In
an act of defiance, Quagmire will
be formally protesting this "no-contest"
to the Frayser Supreme Court. Cesspool
wants to know who the MVP is, so
they want a re-count of the score
of the game to make sure no one
missed anything. Quagmire, in turn,
will protest the recount. Hazel
is ashamed, I am ashamed, the American
people are ashamed.....when will
it end? Maybe next year we can get
out and do it right. In the meantime,
we will live a year in limbo, with
no MVP, and no TB winner.
All
I have to say about the 2000 game
is, I'm glad it's 2001. The only
thing I have left is the numbing
pain in my head everytime I think
of last year's game. Guys, get out
and practice. It's bad when you
make Cesspool look bad, but c'mon.
It might as well have been the mighty
Tigers from the University of Memphis
playing out there. We hold ourselves
to a higher standard of playing,
cheating, and trash-talking......and
I need to see more. Old age doesn't
do this to you, being a sissy does.
And Brian Shelby is sissy enough
for all of us. So, get out there
and make it happen!
