PLUNGERS THRASH THE BASINS
Final Score: Quarmire 7,
Cesspool 28
Let me start off by saying that this was the most intimate ToiletBowl I can remember. "Intimate" is not really theword I'm looking for...understaffed maybe? We had 15 guys show up at of the 21 who had previously confirmed withTBHQ....don't worry, those of you who didn't show your playing pass has already been revoked. Of those that didn'tshow were Quagmire's speed. That doesn't say much since we all aren't speed demons, but in this game ofinsignificance, anything helps.
So the gametime temp is a balmy 48 degrees with clear skys and tight legs. Quagmire gets first possession and takesit on the Cesspool 20 yard line. First play out of scrimmage results in a sack on Quagmire QB Landon Willard by hisown brother, Scott Willard. Seeing that this was his best opportunity to end it on a high note, Scott walked off thefield vowing never to return and thus, he retired. He promptly walked down to the next field to head up his new jobat TBHQ, Grand Shiek of the Jr. ToiletBowl. That's right, we've expanded and launched our first ever official Jr.ToiletBowl game. Since no reporters were on the field we don't have a confirmed score as of yet, but at last reportQuagmire's JV squad was up 14-7.
So Quagmire's next play results in an INT....a less than stellar start for your fearless leader. But no worries,this quickly was rectified when Poobah intercepted the first Cesspool pass from Richie Willard. The next series of plays for Quagmire looked like a mad scramble for free cheese and I have no one to blame butmyself. Poobah was running for his life for the entire first half from the unrelenting Cesspool rush. Quagmire puntsand Cesspool returns to their next series and answer with bunch of screen passes that end in a touchdown. Theyconvert on the extra point pass play to make it 7-0 Cesspool.
I have to say that Cesspools defensive scheme was unrelenting and impressive. Not only did they get in Poobah'shead, they got in Poobah's head so much that he was so utterly disgusted he purposely DID NOT write the postgamereport that day. In fact, he's waited a full year to do so.
Cesspool brought some size out on the field and easily outmanned Quagmire's big guns. Poobah saw this at game timeand even though he's been accused of stacking teams in the past, he stuck to his guns and took his punishment.
Thanks to all of my Quagmire teammates who decided partying the night before was more important than playing in theToiletBowl. Don't worry, Poobah has something for you.
Back to the game. Cesspool quickly ran up 14 more unanswered points on the Basins who obviously pretended to beNotre Dame and not score a point. Cesspool's defense was stifling and only in the 3rd quarter did Quarmire getanything going. With 5:34 on the clock the Basins got lucky and rang up six, with the extra point pass to get themto a paltry 21-7 Cesspool.
Cesspool was obviously toying with the Basins for a few plays and turned it on to score again in the 4th quarter.With time winding down the score was 28-7. If I remember correctly Quagmire threw in the towel as they admitted defeat.
Since Cesspool won the honors this year, they got to pick their Athletic Prowess MVP which was Chad Deaton. Richie Willard won his 4th Consecutive Trash Talk MVP and Chuck Neal was named Most Insignificant Player of the Year.
In all my years of taking beatings in this game, only one defeat stands out more than this one. The dreaded 1988, 69-0 debacle at American Way. We were soundly beaten and there is no excuse for it. I can only say that this year,Poobah gets his revenge.
