Section 1: General Disclaimers

  • All forthcoming recurrences of the term “TBHQ” refer to he who is known as “Poobah”, the master of all things in regards to the Toilet Bowl.
  • These rules have been written and set into effect to somewhat guarantee the integrity of the game and to better support all participants involved.
  • There will be no crying, whining or protesting of any of the rules contained within these guidelines.
  • If you cannot abide by these rules, don’t play!
  • TBHQ has full authority to change or alter the rules at any time, as considered necessary to enforce safety, restore honor, or just because we say so.

Section 2: Pre-game rules

  1. No fighting.
    1. It is a brutal reality, but it come to pass in our glorious contest.
    2. No cheap shots!
    3. When the whistle blows, the play is over!
    4. Trash talk is what makes this game what it is.
    5. If you cannot handle trash talk, DO NOT PLAY!
  2. The “Poobah” Defector Clause.
    1. No team can modify the pre-selected rosters unless the request is submitted in writing at least 48 in advance of game day and authorized by TBHQ.
    2. Twenty (20) minutes quarters.
    3. Clock is continuous until last two (2) minutes of each half.
  3. Rules concerning referees.
    1. The referees determine the spot of the ball, and have the final say so on this and ALL rules enforcement.
    2. Arguing with the referees is strictly forbidden and is punishable according to TBHQ law!
    3. The referees have been given full authority by TBHQ to smack you in the mouth if you argue with them.
    4. You are also, susceptible to a vicious beating at the hands of your peers for being a crybaby.

Section 3: In-game Rules:

  1. The game will begin with a coin toss to decide which team gets ball first.
    1. If a coin is not readily available at game time then the “Paper, Rock, Scissors” method will be used as a suitable replacement.
  2. No center to quarterback snap.
    1. There will be no snapping the ball from the center position.
    2. This eliminates any unnecessary man-on-man PDA.
  3. There will be NO interception or fumble returns
    1. The ball will be placed at the spot of the possession change.
  4. First down is twenty-five (25) yards.
    1. The quarterback CANNOT, for any reason, run past the line of scrimmage, unless he is being rushed by a defender.
  5. You can rush at any time.
    1. You can rush NO MORE THAN a maximum of three (3) players per play!
    2. The rushing team (i.e. the defense) must use the “3 Mississippi  Count” before a rush can be initiated.
    3. There are only two (2) exceptions to this rule.
      • Once a quarterback handoff or pitch is made (e.g. a running play) the rush rule is no longer in effect for that play.
      • In overtime, this rule is null and void.
  6. A player is considered down when:
    1. A player’s knee comes in contact with the ground.
    2. A player’s flag is pulled OR involuntarily comes off.
    3. A player runs or is forced out of bounds.
    4. A player makes any blasphemous statements regarding Poobah and/or his hair.
  7. Any player, who ties or attempts to cover his flags to prevent them from being pulled, will be penalized 15 yards, acknowledged as a cheater, and beaten mercilessly about the head and face.
    • In the occurrence that a player does not have a flag belt, or cannot find one that will fit him, the “two hands touch below the waist” technique will meet the necessary requirements.

Section 4: Punting and kicking:

  1. Kickoffs
    1. Lets face that facts, kickers are sissies, therefore we will not kick-off.
    2. Instead, the ball will placed on the twenty-five (25) yard line to start a new possession after a score.
  2. Punting
    1. Since very of us can lift a leg above our waist with a major injury, the only reasonable option is to throw the ball as far as possible.
    2. “Punts” are NOT returnable and the ball will be placed at the spot of the  return.

Section 5: Scoring

  1. Six (6) points are awarded for a touchdown.
  2. Extra point attempts are as follows:
    1. Two (2) points for a successful run.
    2. One (1) point for a successful pass.
  3. Two (2) points are awarded for a safety.
  4. Touchdown celebrations are MANDATORY!
    1. There will be a 15 yard penalty enforced, on the extra point, if there is not an obvious attempt at a touchdown celebration.
    2. You MUST remain fully clothed during the entire duration of your touchdown celebration.
    3. Props and pre-choreographed celebrations are not required by TBHQ, but highly encouraged!

Section 6: Overtime:

  1. In the event of an overtime period, the NCAA overtime rule will be imposed.
    1. If you do not know the NCAA overtime rule, you are a disappointment to humanity and should not be allowed to participate in our game or produce offspring.

If there are any rules that are not addressed here, or any that need to be explained further, please refer to the TBHQ “Official Rules and Regulations Handbook”
**Legal Disclaimer: There is no TBHQ Official Rules and Regulations Handbook. **
 

 
 
Site Design by Poobah. Come Get Some.