In this, my final post of this illustrious Toilet Bowl season, I would like say if there is anyone here offended by my earlier posts I would like to use this opportunity to offend the rest of you…

Scott Lee: When Poobah invites you over and says, "Make yourself at home," it doesn't necessarily have to involve removing your pants.

Josh Dries: Just when you think you've finally met the perfect woman, you find out she's too tall to fit into any of your mom's old clothes.

Eli Willard: I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

Jacob Dries: For you, failure is not an option. It comes standard with everything you do.

Jeff “The Vanilla Thrilla” Hill: There's a fine line between participating in an extreme sport and just playing a conventional sport very badly.

Richie: When you were younger, not shaving for a few days gave you a cool “Miami Vice” look. Now, it tends to make you look more like Otis the Drunk from Mayberry.

Wes Blanton: Who are you again? Oh, that’s right…NOBODY!

Scott Willard: Which would be easier; Losing 40 pounds by strict dieting and exercise or gaining 60 pounds to qualify for a gastric bypass?

Poobah: If you had a nickel for every paycheck you've blow-up dolls and sensual music, I bet you could spend a whole weekend doing nothing but... well you probably see where this is headed.

Tank: You do realize that drinking isn't the answer to all of life's problems? But it sure does a great job at solving that "fat chick hookup ” dilemma you have.

Dustin Keith: I heard that when you were born, your parents got an apology letter from the condom factory. That’s not true is it?

Swill: I heard you wanted to try that "Subway diet," but since you don't live near a Subway, you had to improvise. Unfortunately your the "McDonald's Filet O' Fish Extra Value Meal diet" seems to have been largely unsuccessful.

GAME OVER! Later chumps!

EDITOR'S NOTE:
TBHQ does not condone or encourage the practices described above. While insulting and distasteful there is something to this post that makes us acknowlege the fine line between free speech and vomitting.

Wow.I am just now reading Chody's first post to Jeff Hill! I am thinking that Cody rubbed Jeff the wrong way with his comments about college, being the boss of him, etc. I had a tear in my eye while I was reading it.and then I saw Jeff tell dustin that he was waay too big to talk trash too???? What are you? Mack "Peace Corp" King? You only talk trash to people when you or they won't be around? How sad you are! Having said that Cody.you are not off limits either! Your Face book page is uber Gay and not as full of hot chicks as a Willard web site should be. However, it is not as bad as what Mack might throw together. His would be a collage of his love for Lanny's or my old girlfriends.For those of you that don't know Mack.allow me to introduce you. Mack has always said that Lanny has had a Richie Complex and that Lanny has always been jealous of me. Well Mack has always had a Lanny Complex. His has always felt a little inferior to him and it shows when he gets around the girls Lanny has dated. This is kind of what Mack does: * Jokingly throws jabs about Lanny being jealous of Richie * Laughs it off as he talks about Lannys ex girlfriends * Compare himself to Lanny * "Lanny and I have been friends forever (even though Lanny has merely tolerated you) * Gets drunk * Sits across the room/table watching Lanny interact and wishing it was him * Watches as Lanny gets the looks that Mack wishes he would get. * Eventually, Mack is called to the floor for his actions. At this time he usually "gets his Mack on" and Cowards up! * After Lanny leaves, Mack tells everyone how he would have kicked Lannys butt if they weren't such good friends. * Mack goes home alone ...again and stares at his Richie Willard wall clock and writes Jeff Hill to talk about all of the excuses for his failures. Now you guys have a good understanding of who Mack is and what he does. His "game" is limited to "pity" play and his hopes are funneled into the thought that he might get Willard table scraps. But even our scraps are too "next level" for him. Happy Thanksgiving Mack! Gather your thoughts for next year..find a new target as well because this one shot back and you weren't prepared (another shocker). Have fun with that Peace corp thing or salvation army.whatever it is that you do when you are not succeeding in life! Poobah, you do an awesome job of getting this together each and every year so you are pardoned from Trash talk vengeance. However, your verbal jabs are borderline reason for me to unleash the fury and go all "Mack King sulking across the table" on you. Bendall is getting ready to come out tomorrow and load his mouth down with Mayonnaise so he can slobber all over the field while talking his version of trash. Which I going to be tough considering half of his trash talk on this site can be found in various other places on the internet. I am not calling plagiarism but I am calling "Plagi.." Josh, your brother will dominate you..and he's taller than you are. You are like the 99 cent cheeseburger at Wendy's. More fluff than meat and most people just call it the short stack. Jeff=jealous of Cody's ability to get and maintain a corp. job at WHQ. If you are mad because his dad was able to secure his future then go home and slap your mother for not doing the same thing. I am sure you can find an excuse to do that! It's time to sit down and eat boys, Big Momma is serving up a heaping pot of "smack" for you to take in. I will be too much too handle and too hard to hold..outstanding in every aspect of the game and take home both MVP trophies. I might even steal a life time achievement award or two. I may even slap Ebersol around just for missing so much time away from the game.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Ok, next year ther is a 300 word or less limit on the posting. This is ridiculous!!!...."More fluff than meat and most people just call it the short stack"...too funny. And oddly enough, Richie takes one conversation with me and turns it into trash talk. So no everybody knows my bid'ness. Nice.

Mack, all of your life you have wanted to be me. You have studied me, looked up to me and shuddered when I turned a cold shoulder to you. I have always been the pinnacle of what you could never achieve and the dream of what your life could have been like had you only been born a Willard. You see, many people were born into privilege and while you did have amazing parents.you were a dark spot on their name. While failing as a member of society you were forced to turn to the service but not even the REAL service.the National Guard. Those are the guys that want to feel like they make a difference but only a few weekends a year. (heck...JEff's cousin Trip even joined the Air Force) So I salute you, "Mr. I can clean a gun but never used it in any battle but I will tell everyone what a kick but soldier I was".hang your hat on that for a while because it is only a matter of time before they figure out that you couldn't even police yourself growing up.much less a city full of idiots. Di d you know that the National Guards motto is "Always Ready, Always There"? How in the world does that describe you? The only thing that you have ever been READY and THERE for was a free hug when one of my dates thought that you were mentally challenged. ("Oh.who's that simple boy?", she said) Oh.and let's not speak of my prowess on or off the field. Mack, I will and have embarrassed you many a time in this game and in life. You are a toy to me.not even in the same ball park. You just keep your distance and run off to Chicago as that is the only place you find a woman dumb enough to marry you with all of you psychotic episodes. You are broken without hope of being fixed and no amount of trash talk (or attempts at it) will hide the fact that you can and never will be as great as me. You are a tubby, unathletic cry baby that routinely got punked by Chuck Neal every year so you had to move away to shake that stigma. Don't try to attack big Momma to hide the fact that you ran away from this game like a pup cause you heard Chuck Neal was coming back. Lastly, are YOU of all people criticizing Chuck Neal about an insufficient life? Mack..Chuck has accomplished more by taking his morning dump than you have in the last 5 years. You are a meaningless person that has only garnered interest on this page because you have talked about the greatest.most electrifying player to ever play this game. Have you ever noticed that no one EVER wrote about YOU before you wrote about ME? Come on Mack..it's ok.go back and pull out your Richie Willard wall calendar..read your, "How to be like Richie" manual and climb into your Richie Willard bed sheets and realize that you tried to talk trash but only spoke about me being fat. I will say it again.when I am done with this post I will still be the one and only Richie Willard.the guy you have wanted to be for all of your life. And you, my simple, friend will still have to go out to work and be MACK.the guy that writes tickets for double parking in a tow away zone. Enjoy your Chucksgiving Mack. Funny your name is Mack but you have never been one! How is that for irony?

EDITOR'S NOTE:
For any visitors out there just keep one thing in mind: all this is sad in love. Jeez, chill out on Mack. You make me want to steer off into a tree. What do you think it will do to him?

Jeffrey Hill, you were given the nickname because it rhymed????? "JUST ASK MACK?" Seriously???? This is what you want to hang your hat on? Jeff, I am sure that at some point in your life you were an athlete and I am sure that at some point you played well in a ball game. However, I doubt very seriously that you ever did it without an excuse as to why you didn't play as well as you could've. "what had happen was.." For all of this talent that you supposedly have.when can we see it.will you grace the field with it on Chucksgiving? Will you use your speed to shake Cody (whom you are secretly very jealous of.obviously). No.what you will do is gripe about not getting enough attention and whine about Josh hogging the ball or mope because the play isn't coming your way. I am sure that Lanny will figure out a way to get you the ball (to shut you up) and you may actually score.at which time you will proceed to tell us how, "if you would just pass me the ball that would happen every time!" So for running your mouth not to be talent.you sure do hold your own. This year let's try something new. Grow a sack.keep your mouth shut and just play. And sometimes.just sometimes.you drop a pass just because you drop ..and you might over throw someone..just because the timing was off. The next time you want to make and excuse do it because you aren't showing up! Jason Bendall, you work as a lighting guy at BRiarcrest and I am the waste of a human being. Did you know that they make computer programs that do what you do? There are literally 5 monkeys from Africa that work the lights at a night club in downtown Miami (that Mack King told me about while he was "protecting our country from terrorists"..you know.while he was on tour?) that do what you do. Also, my 4 time achievement has solidified my place in the history books of this great game.your history has been made by being the guy that we got to replace the other fat guy that had to leave and we needed someone to play the line(Where is Chuck McGlasson these days anyway). How is this for original, you look like Chacka from land of the lost and the way that you speak is enough to make me ask you to pass the mayonnaise that is clogging up your mouth. If you could just swallow your spit every few words, you might not need windshield wipers on your laptop. The growth under your eye will be called Mack from now on. I figure if Mack is not here to be a growth on the rest of us.he can cling to your face like the tattered pieces of a rice crispy treat. Eli, I have never been more proud of a nephew than to see that you wrote trash talk on this site. Having said that.boy, didn't your daddy teach you not to swim with sharks. All I am going to say is that you cannot talk about anyone being pleasantly plump while YOU are still wearing jrs. Huskey pants. That's all I am going to say. .and give Poobah his game back.I want to play that one every time I am at his house and I can't because your little corndog looking fingers won't give it back.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
"Grow a sack.keep your mouth shut and just play"....wowzers. Big Momma is just laying the smack down on your fools. True, he may be long-winded but eventually he gets to the point and has some nuggest of genius.

Once again a few grown men ( and Collin Gibbs ) decide to go out to have a trashy fellow-talk (Richie) among each other on yardage (approx. 3/4 " tall) to decide who has the guts (Tank) to say "hut" and to defend the territory and egg shaped chunker, while in the process of whaling it in the air to know that someone will catch(Jake) or drop (Chuck) or fumble( Mack) it. Upon the event that every one is wheezing,(men over 40 ) bent over, grass stained,(Andy) bruised (laying under bench in fetal position crying..) ( "THRILL") wondering who was that,( Cody) that went by at lightning speed,( Scott) to run to the end of the white chalked box for a celebration. And then to award a few for the stupid, (not yet determined) the courageous (Billy) and potty mouth (Mike M.). Then they retire to individual dwellings (sometimes more than one ) to find themselves in the bathroom standing in front of the medicine cabinet, (Dustin) looking for Tylenol, band aids, neosporin, needle & thread ,(Poobah) ice packs, heating pads, eyewash (from trash talk spit),(Ken) gauze and other essential first aid supplies. After a week of re cooperation(Clay) and walgreens debit purchases for laxatives,(Josh) the grown men wait.......... 365 suns and moons there after they get out of there nice cosy beddings and slip on there gear to do it all over again knowing that this will hurt(The Big Hit). It takes dedication, knowing some of them can't get to work on time, honor , bravery, skill and thought.

Don't you just love the smell of the freshly cut grass with dew..................Well you gonna smell it cause it will be stuck in your nose when I get done.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Poobah thinks that "Big Hit" might have occured somewhere other than the football field and maybe in a field involving unique pottery of some sort. This one truly rivals Swill for "most bizarre". But reading it one more time gives you a better understanding. Haney is telling a story much like a caveman would....and an awesome story it is.

Gametime is near people and I just want to thank Poobah for the invite last year! Much love Poobah! But game time is near and I cannot promise that I wont talk major trash this year. Last year was the first year and I could get away with not saying much...but this year will be different. Cesspool will take the victory, "Big Momma" will get the trash talk MVP, and I will be crowned MVP!! I know it hurts a little inside but its true. And real quick....i dont even remember this Jeff "THE THRILL" Hill. I mean if you have a nickname like that i would think that you would be noticed quick with your athletic skills. GUESS NOT!!! I dont blame my brother one bit for not passing it to you. Heck we dont even remember you!!! So where is the THRILL anyway!! REALITY HITS...THERE ISNT ONE!!! HA...i laugh at you. THE THRILL should be crowned to your wife, since youre worthless. And dont even try to come back and talk smack because you cant hold a candle to me sir. So your words will be useless. And Bendall...SHUT YOUR FAT, SPECIAL OLYMPICS, AND SHORT BUS RIDDING MOUTH!!! Everyone knows that you wont be able to back it up on the field and your only defense mechanism is to type and re-type with your fat stubby fingers. And as Poobah said, laugh at your own jokes!! And if you really want to talk about my height then go ahead...but its a sad day when a lil guy schools you all over the field!!....and trust me...Josh and I have been doing this for a while so the lil jokes dont affect us. WE BACK IT UP!! I do have love for my bro...but I want to make this clear... his whiney butt will lose bad this year. AND THIS IS FOR TANK...Your not the only one that has played football, so your pathetic comment "I was in tha game longer than most of you pillowbites have been born. Can't wait to show you what it takes to be a repeat mvp this year. Darth viser will make all of you chumps bow down." quoted by Tank. IS STUPID!! The day that your fat lard butt can catch me...will be the day that you will be known as something...and didnt we give you the MVP last year because of sympathy...thats what i remember!! And hell if it wasnt for the first year rule then you WOULDNT HAVE GOTTEN IT!!!REALLY you would have been 3rd to get it behind Josh and I. Pure sympathy my friend...pure sympathy. So with all that trash having been said....LETS PLAY BALL!!

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Look at Mr. Warpath?!! It looks like you may have a new name afterall. Attacking EVERYONE. I just hope your little psychotic premonition doesn't come true. Quagmire will be victorious in the end and you, my friend, and you will bow up to the mighty BASINS!

Poobah, it hurts that you think I am overly aggressive with my posts yey others can say whatever and get away with it. Is it because Chody is kin to you, Hmmm....nice hair though. And I don't include Mack in this because he won't be there so naa nany boo boo. You are just like Billy, always calling for Cody to be the savior..."don't talk about him, he's sensitive". Bill Davie showing Mack up was just a ploy to get Mack to finally leave anyway, did it work?

Bendall, I won't bother harping on the fact that you remain utterly useless anywhere on earth other than your own toilet.

Swill, if making poems and singing are your thing then go try out for idol. I only pout out of love from the people who taught me how to...AKA "The Willard's". I guess you get props for NOT bashing people in trash talk, like that makes any sense at all. It must be nice for everyone else to shade away from talking about you, you are officially nothing.

Jacob "the liar" Dries, funny how you say your the better brother and yet I still don't know which one is which. Identify yourself. You both remind me of the kid's that were picked last in the school yard football games because of the height thing. "Well, I guess we will take you" said the team captain, "no, he looks sneaky, I want him" said the other captain and went on from there.

Richie, show up on game day or I will declare you THE ALL TIME WORST PLAYER in TB history. No one has played in more games than you without winning an award not named specifically for you, by you. This means even Brian Shelby and Joe Bennett were even better than you. Joe Bennett, I think he makes 12 cents an hour with Mike Vick folding linens in the slammer. Shelby at least has muscles and a finely trimmed beard, you have belly lint.

Bentley, you should be honored that I named you so. Notice that my nicknames stick like glue here. That guy is a great actor, like yourself but in football terms. It's actually not hard to know the name of an actor in a movie that won BEST PICTURE. I though of him because of your last name is so similar Einstein. It was the only relevant person I could muster who had the creepy qualities that you inspire. You and Swill have both referred me as "Terrell Owens" in the past. Now you know what talent looks like at least. So I want the ball, is that a crime? So I get emotional when I don't get it, and? I want to win (like T.O) and I feel if I am the focal point, we will. If you strive for insignificance then by all means...go for it. You sure made your point about not being very good already. I enjoy winning and being a part of that win. You must be one of those people who say " it's not if you win or lose, but how you play the game" or "winning isn't everything". I wish I could understand how some feel that losing is ok and being average is still good enough, I don't. I try to be the best at everything I do. You play to win the game as Herm Edwards once said, and I do.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
How dare you question Poobah's all-knowing, all-wise motives? Poobah is simply protecting your already shabby reputation by not allowing such drivel. It is below you. While, yes, he is a Willard I simply demand the best from my players. Take that weak tot action and get out of here! Even in your complaints you whine. But thank you for recognizing the greatness that is my hair. It is duly noted.

Jeff Hill’s posts never cease to amaze me. Everything he has submitted to this forum have been some of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point did Mr. Thrill have a rational thought. Did anyone really need his mind-numbing rants on why he is called thrill? Or were these posts simply to make his head a little bit bigger? Might he have repressed feelings of inadequacy? Does it bother anyone else that he said, and I quote , “They call me Thrill because of my man-crush on Will Clark?” Is it a cry for help when he says “everyone at MUS said I was the best?” I think that it’s really cool how Jeff constantly reminds us of the fact that he was born to play high school baseball. As I let that soak in. I will handle more significant matters.

Like Eli “The Phenom” Willard’s eligibility. Can we please suit the kid up? Eli’s presence on the field will give Richie company as the only Willard without an Athletic MVP award.
-Tank, Don’t worry I’m actually bringing Two Banana clips to the game. One for my hair, the other for your stomach.
-Bendell, you said I was truly remarkable to watch, I hope you don’t have a Jeff Hill/Will Clark like man crush on me. Our names don’t rhyme. So I don’t have any cool pet names like "The Thrill" for you. I’ll just call you fat hillbilly looking man.

Speaking of the Thrill…. I’m not sure what’s more disturbing. His Photoshop/Microsoft Paint skills, (or lack there of) or the websites he’s been searching to find pictures like that…. The only thing more troubling than your man crushes and inappropriate website history, is the fact that you dwell on a 21 year olds summer job. And all along, I thought I was the one needing to grow up and learn how to be an adult…. What are the odds that Thrill comes out tomorrow expecting to play Quarterback. Throws one pick, gets moved to WR, gets told to run long every play. Doesn’t get the ball. And Whines. It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving morning without it.

Cody Willard
2005 Toilet Bowl Athletic Prowess MVP

EDITOR'S NOTE:
It's simply amazing how words roll out of this kid's mouth. Get him on the field and he won't say a word. Get him behind a computer and he's a trash talking phenom. Coherend sentences, paragraphs, proper grammar...plus he gives the absolute WORST Christmas presents!

Richie, you sound as if my Special Olympics reference hit a little close to home. Perhaps you were offended because of your personal experience with it. You obviously are upset because you are not used to reading anything more advanced than what appears on the back of a box of cereal or your N’Sync coloring book. You an absolute waste of human being, you are a disgrace to civilization and an even bigger disgrace to the Toilet Bowl. You are a “four-time Trash talk MVP,” wow that means that four times in your life; you were the best at being useless on the field of play. Now I see why the award was created, so you can go home from the Toilet Bowl with something other than a broken ego. On a side note, your constant fascination with men’s’ jocks is somewhat disturbing to me. You put two posts on here and they look exactly like ones you did last year. Yada, yada, yada… Tank is stupid. Bendall is fat. Jeff Hill is irrelevant. Lanny is gay. Don’t you have anything original? Did you just cut and paste these same lines from the 2007 version? Everyone has listened to you talk about how you’ve been working out and your in the best shape of your life; well, that’ll do you a lot of good, being in shape doesn’t mean much when you have the athletic prowess of a inbred walrus and the overall personality of a date-rapist. Why don’t you spend this Thanksgiving morning at home, drowning your sorrows in deep fried Twinkies & Jungle Juice, and give someone else the chance to be the biggest failure at the game. Perhaps your apathetic apprentice, Dustin, could take that spot.

Tank, you are a serial-murderer of the English language; in two postings you actually misspelled more words than you did correctly. You won the MVP award last year not for being the best but out of sympathy. Spending most of your life being a loser, we just wanted you to feel what it was like to win for a change. You keep talking about getting back at Richie fore his remarks last year… A year’s worth of revenge over one snide remark? Then what should your payback be for riding his coattails for 15 years? And I would like to make a recommendation, perhaps you should stay away from cargo pants. I’d bet that you don’t really need that constant reminder that your rear end is big enough to be shipped as freight.

Eli, welcome to the trash talk boards, now it was good to hear a different, yet still plump Willard for a change. But don’t you have a “Hooked on Phonics” lesson to study for?  If you are the future of our country, we are screwed! True, you might not be eligible for this year’s game, but you will be as insignificant as your father is every year. As you will see, you are now stepping out of the kiddie pool and into the deep end. . I heard that your mom wanted a girl & your dad wanted a boy and when you were born, they were both happy! Just don’t believe the fatherly advice, “You can be whatever you want to be,” No you can’t, you are a Willard, and therefore you are destined to a life of futility

Mack King, I heard your words, but I asked Poobah who you were, and even he didn’t know. Apparently you were just some vagabond who drifted out of a cheap motel on American Way, ended up at an East Memphis football field and just never went away.  Poobah said you were probably not going to make it this year’s game, which was ironic, because I didn’t realize you played in last year’s game. I didn’t realize that Illinois had lower standards for their police force than Memphis, so hiring you must have met their yearly quota for females or mentally handicapped. Bad Cop... No Donut! You have the right to remain... INSIGNIFICANT!

Jeff Hill, how can we miss you if you won’t go away?  You are just as insignificant now as you were last year. However, on a positive note, I wish I could be your talent agent, because I bet your private show "The Woman with Testicles" could make a lot of money on the sideshow circuit. You have yet to say anything that makes me think you should be allowed to play, much less pro-create. I love the traditions that go with holidays: Independence Day makes me think of fireworks & cookouts; Halloween makes me think of trick-or-treating and parties. Christmas makes me think of opening presents on Christmas morning & spending time with the family, Thanksgiving makes me think of turkey and dressing and Jeff Hill being useless and utterly disappointing to life.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Wow. Shot-out-of-a-cannon Bendall. What's up with the remarks on my family lineage (that's my "family tree" to you Plungers out there)? And who's this "Mack" that you speak of? Ha! Cargo pants.....But onto you, Shmoosdie. I can only stand by idly for so long while you attack the Willard name. What you say about Richie may be true, but I bet you were sitting there typing this long diatribe speaking out loud as you type. Your fingers being inter-connected with your mouth since your mother obviously smoked menthols and drank Boones Farm when she was pregnant with you, resulted in your sharing your motor skills, thus being forced to type and speak and forcing us, the world, to deal with you, the literal pile of poo. After you wash the spit off your computer screen I'm sure you had a good laugh while attacking the good Willard name. You are now forgiven. Go forth and do the ToiletBowl proud. And speak no more ill-will towards Willard-ness.

From: Ken "Swill" Wilbanks
Date: 11/25/2008
[ Go Back ]

Man, if idiots could fly, this place would be an airport…

Sit back and enjoy as Swill waxes poetic before loading the family truckster and heading up I-55:

“Twas the eve of the Toilet Bowl, and all through C’ville,“No one throws me the ball,” pouts Jeff “T.O.” Hill. Poopbah hangs the streamers and posters with care,Hoping the weather won’t mess up his hair.Big Momma goes out and buys props at Fred’s,While visions of “MVP” fill that big head.Scott puts on his ‘kerchief and Volunteer cap,Billy don’t wanna ref, he just wants to nap.

Bendall gets on his ‘puter and starts with the chatter,Yet, alas, his appearance again this year just won’t matter.”Hill, keep talking…Swill always yawns when he’s interested…When Swill returned to keep this Thanksgiving Day event insignificant, he was told you were a great asset. Swill told them they were off by two letters...Swill bets you could sit on a carton of ice cream and tell what flavor it is…Again, would you like some cheese and crackers to go with that whine? Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice... Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent (just ask ANY of the Willards)…

Chuck Neal, make a mental note...oh, Swill sees you're out of paper…

Why y’all dissin’ on Finley? He can’t help it he’s so short his hair smell like feet. And, so what if he did actually pose for trophies…

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but Tank just gargled…No, Taco Bell is not a phone company…He really is depriving a village somewhere…

Ebersold? Scott, help Swill out here…Isn’t this the guy whose parents put a pot roast in his lap so the dog would play with him???

Mack King…Some people really don't hesitate to speak their minds because they have nothing to lose, do they???

Bendall, so, a thought actually did cross your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey…Swill wants to know when you change your mind, what do you do with the diaper???

Swill learned last year that if you actually stand close enough to Cody, you can hear the ocean…The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears…

Eli, someday you'll go far – if you catch the right train…

Class dismissed…

EDITOR'S NOTE:
You are so right about my hair. Thanks for noticing. Do you guys see anything here? Can you please pay attention to how Swill takes the time to put a post together instead of angrily typing away at the keyboard like some monkey looking to make a note? Bravo Swill, except for saying I'm unathletic. The hair part makes up for it though.

Oh no what is little fat Richie to do with still no Chad, the one was referred to as the force or richies protector when Richie cried cause he ran his mouth and could not back it up on and off the field. The one who kept little fat Richie from the evil of Tank and his little sister landon when they come crashing through the line to crush the fat kid. Now Richie has no one except for his fat roll to protect him, and the only thing that Chad is protecting is his single wide trailer in Millington while staring fondly at his collections of wall art he made from the pictures he took of Richie while they spent the weekend on a beach together. See Richie has always had to use people to make him look and feel better. He uses chuck neal because chuck lives such an insufficient life, he used Mike rudd to a get a girl to hook up with him at parsons lake while tank and landon made out together in the back of someone’s car and stole the girls money from there purses. Wow Richie if you did not have a mouth to talk this crap, you would rival only bill davey as the most unimportant person in this game. Later chumps

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Mack, you suffer from what is known as "wish-I-was-a-Willard-itis". Commonly known as "My Manliness Left A Long Time Ago" syndrome. Please do not attack Poobah with your insignificant little rants. Also, please recall your typing class and use punctuation (for when you really mean it), capital letters (at the start of a sentence), and periods (for that special time of the month). Your accusations are baseless and as bare as your head. And it was BENNINGTON LAKE, not Parsons....I mean, I don't know what you are talking about. If you would simply pull the two wooly-caterpillars that you call eyebrows to the side, you would see that a life with Poobah is better than one without. Like Richie said, you may have the traffic ticket world wrapped up, but Poobah has the rest. Poobah regrets the path you've chosen against him but it is your path. You can't fix stupid, and evidently stupid can't type either.

This message is for my previous team as well as my brother. LETS NOT GET IT TWISTED!!!!!!! Being the FASTER AND MORE ATHLETIC in my family, things will be alot different this year. And just to let you know...out of the two touchdowns last year...I scored 1. I will accept my new team with open arms and embrace the fact that we will put a beat down on Quagmire!! This year I wont have to worry about my own brother BALL HOGGING!! Dont worry Cesspool I am a team player...and just remember ...Josh aka "lil wabbit" can easily be stopped...lets not forget I AM FASTER AND MORE ATHLETIC...So there it is...Please comment back...that is ...if your worthy!

EDITOR'S NOTE:
For the record, my brother requested that we seperate you two misfits due to an "unfair" advantage. Who would have thought that two brothers with a combined height of 6 ft tall could do so much damage? Do we have another whiner in our midst? Ball-hogging you say?

Mark Ebersold! So good to hear from you! And so sorry I won't be there to see you again; thanks for coming. I didn't know the Kirby Pines Retirement Home ran a bus that far! Be sure to do an interview with the Poobah and add your knowledge to the official TB history.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Yeah! Finley talking the trash to the elder! Mark, please read through the history and correct as needed. I'll make sure I increase the text size to match your reading glasses.

Ok guys, the thing is, I don't call myself "tha thrill" anymore, Poohbah just continues to post it like that.

Richie, first off, that nickname was GIVEN to me in high school while playing baseball. They knew that Will Clark was one of my favorite players and saw that my last name and his first rhymed together, it's not to hard to understand. I know you played some ball too, just not with a glove or a bat. You see, I was the best player out there and the everyone knew it. Some guys were too scared to even warm up with me of fear that I might shatter their wrists from the pop in the glove my throws made. Mack and John King saw me play in 1 game my senior year at MUS, it was an offensive onslaught. Instead you were in the band playing the flute or trumpet begging for acceptance from the nerds to let you in their clubs. You hate on my talent because it kills you that you don't have any...running your mouth isn't a talent...you know that right? The picture of one of my favorite players ever next to myself flatters me, thanks. Just remember why you NEVER win the MVP and do the opposite, then you might get a mention.....but still no trophy.

Tank, seriously...I can't read your posts without doing a double take. I hope it is Poohbah rigging your rants and not your sausage fingers overlaping the keys. And yes, I can play once a year and be that good.

Eli, nice to see a fresh Willard on the site...uncle Richie always hogs the dressing at the dinner table huh? That must bother you. by the way, give Poohbah his game back. As far as your cousin Cody running all over me....not going to happen. My cousin will not appear this year or the next 3 since he is in the Air Force serving our country. I apologize in advance for the lack of spandex in this years game. By the way, you will NOT be referred as the phenom as far as I am concerned until you prove your worth. Since you are kin to the Willard's this might take a couple of decades to accomplish.

Mack King, although I won't miss the cheap shots that almost come every year(you didn't get to me last time)I will miss your endless energy and dirty pass rushing skills you do so well. The fact that you called out Richie on the Chad celebration's is classic.

Cody, please bring all of your neccesary equipment to this game(bandana and hair gel, leg warmers, wrist band with mirror attachment, ray bans, a polo shirt to pop tha colla, and neck tie....image is everything).

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Poobah is beginning to think Jeff is taking trash talking a little too seriously. Step back, take a deep breath and remember...it's trash talk. I can't understand why you are so viciously attacking Cody but not Mack King...this is the guy that allegedly tried to take your knees out a few years ago, right? I mean, Billie Davie went to bat for you on this. And you're paying Mack props?

Mack King...have you ever done anything in any athletic sport besides be the guy that everyone has to watch out for becuase you are prone to going absolutley crazy? What is the state of our world when our government will allow you to be a cop? You are and always have been the biggest waste of...nevermind....you were nothing to begin with and you are nothing now. The best thing named King that has ever been associated with this game is the rest of your family...you were charity. You were never anything more than Chuck McGlassons "do boy" and he wouldn't even let you take Chuck NEals place on CYP as catcher. How does it feel to know that you couldn't beat out Chuck for anything. Its funny how you wait to talk trash about Chad until you don't have to line up against him....but that has always been your M.O to use cop speak. However, you probably don't know what that is as you are just a ticket writer. Yeah I checked in on you traffic cop! it seems that you are a traffic cop...not even a real police officer . Good job Barney Fife..keep up the good work and maybe one of your good friends will buy you a personality...or a physique...or a real job. I hope this message finds you well and that Chucksgiving is as pleasant for you as it will be for me to see that you are not anywhere on the field and we don't have to listen to your psychotic butt rant about how bad you are. Fat boy or not..I can lose weight, but when you wake up tomorrow..you will still be Mack. That's a tough pill to swallow! later Barney!

EDITOR'S NOTE:
There's some venom in that there trash talking. By the way, who's this "Mack" that you speak of?

Tank, I look forward to being thrown down by such a great football legend as yourself! As you said, you are the only one that has ACTUALLY played football. What this game should be is everyone just trying to run around and be like the great Jeff Tankersley! But then again, if we did that, then all we would be doing is running around pushing each other, never scoring any points, and running out of breath every other down. Or better yet, maybe we should just all circle around you and bow down to your football greatness! Please. Jeff, I willing accept the nickname of "Bentley." I'm impressed in a disturbed kind of way that you know the actor's name who played that guy from that movie, and that he is who you thought of when you saw my name. I'm not sure of this "list" that you speak of, but I'm honored to be on a list created by someone who thinks he is God's gift to earth. You probably don't remember me, because I don't make myself look like an idiot willingly like someone does. Yes, I may post pictures of myself that may seem weird, but that just shows that I don't really care what people think of me. Yea, I may not be the greatest player ever, but that's ok. Unlike you, when the ball doesn't come my way every single time I don't stop and complain. I get back to the line of scrimmage and play. You remind me of the one Terrell Owens, not in the being really good at football sense, but in the sense that ya'll both complain whenever this team game doesn't turn into an "it's all about me" type game! Then, when the ball does come ya'll's way, ya'll both have a tendency to drop it, and still complain. If you want the ball every possession, then I suggest you pick up a tennis racket or a ping-pong paddle. Yes, I know Poobah has been called Kevin Bacon before because I have been saying that for years now. Oh, I admit that my trash talking skills aren't superb. I never claimed that they were great. I just play the game. Wait, I'm confused. Am I Bentley or Mr. Wizard? You just keep throwing nicknames out there that don't really make any sense. I may be worthless in a meaningless game, but that could be a double negative, and thus cancelling each other out. So, I feel ok about your statement. Once again, I could care less what people think of me, especially you. By the way, you said you were going to smell me on the gridiron? That's a little weird. I don't know about you, but I'm not really into the whole smelling other dudes thing. Jason Bendall, I'm glad I could waste four minutes of your time. Hopefully you waste more with this post. I'm also glad that I could remind you to Tivo Cops! So, I guess it wasn't really a waste. I'll be honest. I had no idea who you were until I did some searching and saw a picture of you in the toiletbowl gallery. I then realized that you were the other fat guy. I also thought to myself, wow, this guy is calling me white trash?! Either I am the trashiest of all white trash, or you haven't looked in a mirror recently, sir. I think the latter is more likely.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Whoa...Bentley is getting all into Tankerstein! And don't apologize for brown-nosing Poobah. It pays to be near the top.

Bendall, you are a terrible trash talker. Really, who talks about the Special Olympics in a post? The next time you speak I will make sure to bring my splash guard so you don't spaz out and drool in my face. Could it be the guy that is the closest to competing in one? Your lack of compassion is necessary due to your need to feel valued by making fun of the less fortunate. You have no idea who Scot Finley is and just how little he actually means to this game. You have no idea that he is vertically challenged and can’t help that he can’t reach the handle to flush the toilet without a step stool. You wouldn’t know that because you have as much of a clue as that wildebeest that we call Tank….mindlessly wandering through the flatlands in search of God only knows what while a pack of lions sneak up from behind to pounce on the stupid beast. However, you wouldn’t know that. You also couldn’t see that Scot Finley has a big head like Josh Dries , little people big world…or the great Gaizoo (if you will). You could see that if your third chin wasn’t tugging on your face like a cat with a yarn ball stretching your eyes closed and creating a subtle moon pie effect with your outer nasty sideburns.

Enter Chuck Neal who has no hair but has always prided himself on having a great set of side head hair. Jason you would not know that Chuck peaked in life as a Sears salesman selling refrigerators to people that were asking for “CREDIC” on a used fridge. Nice peak…I am sure that the Neal household looks back with fond memories of those days. Suzy Brown and Heather made for fine bookends. But you Jason would not know that…because you have not been a part of the history that is the toilet bowl. All you know is what we allow you to know! You are the corky of the toilet bowl staff….we allow you to say “WECOME TO MCDONNADS” on all of our adds while holding up the latest jock strap that you had to pick up because, as usual, you got toasted on another play. So buck up “Red Neck Corky” (RNC) you can bring your beef sticks and deer jerky to the field and reminisce over history that you are not aware of and revel in trash talk that sounds like the drunken ramblings of an overweight WWE woman of wrestling. Take pride in the fact that you simply showed up on “Chucks giving” to receive your exercise for the year and that you didn’t throw up the 5 pounds of pancakes that you ate for a primer. Live in the moment and know that at least you are not Chuck Neal…at least you don’t have to leave the game knowing, like Pooh boy (poobah), that you have been bested by Richie….you will never know that feeling as you are not in my league. You are not fit to hold the toilet paper of the guy that holds my jock. You are only as valuable as the smudge mark that you leave behind as your fat tail streaks across the field while you are acting like you are reaching for my flag. Your fatness has no end and your sloth has no reason…when you wake up …you do it in sections. So do us all a favor and sleep in, watch yourself on the Macy’s “Chucksgiving” day parade. Eat a Turkey by yourself do anything but grace us with your presence. The toilet bowl will be better off knowing that you are safe and sound in your tub of gravy.

Sincerely,

Richmond L. Willard esq.
4 time Trash Talk Champion 25 Time Chuck NEal Humiliator All time greatest/most electrifying player to ever play in the toiletbowl

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Pooh boy? I've won an MVP, my lesser sibling. Everything else is spot on though. Just thought I'd correct that little oversight.

ROFLMAOL! You littl punks have no idea what you talking about! You think cause you player a football game one time a year on thankgiving that it makes you good? Only one ting makes you good-being there. I was in tha game longer than most of you pillowbites have been born. Can't wait to show you what it takes to be a repeat mvp this year. Darth viser will make all of you chumps bow down.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
You tell 'em Cocheese.

Guys, I started to read all of the garbage that you guys post on this site but I have to stop and wonder….why would I read something like this, “Big Momma needs a new name to but is there another name for a fatter woman? LOL!” I don’t know Tank…fat women have always been your domain. I think we have called them things like “baby food” Heather, Melanie Wilson, Dawn Thompson. Tank…does this look familiar…think back to spring break…panama city….you thought I lost this picture huh?

 Speaking of “baby Food”, chuck Neal…how stupid was your last post. I was going to come back and show off the website that has your name attached to it but there are none that feature complete failures that walk around with black clouds following you at every turn. I thought about looking up websites that feature guys that get pushed around and told what to do….but that only led to fetish sites and you are obviously not happy enough to call what you do a fetish…just check out that awesome smile that you carry around with you! The truth is that we could watch a TV show based on your life and it would depress me more than “intervention” and  “the first 48” combined. You are a loser the likes of which we have not seen…I mean you have started to rival only Greg Hall in your attempts at completely falling on your face….at least Greg has a kick tail facebook  page. Yours would look like this:

 You see Chuck, plain for someone like you is a compliment.  For you, the norm is everyone else’s worst day! So enjoy life the way that it is today, because tomorrow is just another day that is worse than today. Little Orphan Annie said, “The sun will come out tomorrow!” for you that is more like “the sun never comes out and it is always cloudy and 34 degrees…you know…just cold enough to suck without the hope for any snow!” I am done with you….I have wasted too much of my time waiting on you to blossom into what you could be only to find that you blossomed  30 years ago and it has been downhill since.

Jeff Hill, are you really going to continue to call yourself “the Thrill”? Ok you name yourself after Will “the thrill” Clark.  Allow me to show the difference: 

I give you Will Clark                              I give you Jeff Hill

Never mind…I see the resemblance already. How about this…be really good and let someone else give you the nickname. Big Momma comes from toilet bowl 28 when I was told I rushed the QB like big momma runs to chicken by one David Shelby….thus Big momma has stuck. I doubt you have ever been called thrill nor have you ever given anyone a thrill. Also, you did call someone a name that you got from a scene in American Beauty…right? Did anyone else catch just how gay that was? “I will call you Bentley because I am a homo!”-Jeff Hill

Tank, you are right…I have never won the MVP but if you rewind the video from the year that you won…it was for calling a good defensive game not playing one. Forgot that didn’t you? When we look back in the history books to critical moments in critical games I seem to remember a floating football in the rain at halle stadium….when a fumble at the goal line cost Wooddale the chance to finish a run towards the state title. Your one moment in time was left floating in a pool of your own failure. You’re right…I don’t know what that feels like…and I am glad for it. Put me on first base coaching any day….I will say it again today like I said that day, “ I do not want to be that cat!”….funny that still holds true! As far as the threat that has been levied against me….whatever makes you feel strong grimlock. I apologized for what was said and I meant it ...just remember we both play the game and I don’t weigh 156lbs anymore. I don’t like cheap shots and I do return them. My thought is that If I can’t go to work the next day…neither will you!

Lastly, Jason Bendall, are you really going to sit here and speak of everyone else’s weight and not your own.  You are the most out of shape creature that plays our hallowed game. You might be the only player who orders a bowl of cereal that is so big it comes with a lifeguard. You are so fat that when you go to court and the judge says order…you scream out big mac! Your version of exercise is jogging after the ice cream truck when it’s parked. I mean…all you have to say is, “no thank you…I’m full!” just try it the next time that you are eating at the all you can eat buffet at Sams town!  And your nasty neck beard that just seems to ooze down your face is enough to make Tanks girlfriends think that Tank is pretty or that Chuck neal is fun to be with. Sidebar (Chuck remember that chick that tank stole from you in PCB…classic)  I mean….you are a walking talking reason why everyone should send their kids to private schools.  Your ability to rape the English language while trying to make a point is cute but pathetic and the only thing you did on the football field last year was get in the way. If it wasn’t for one good cheap shot on me you might not have done anything at all. Do us all a favor…shave….lose weight (I mean significant weight) and don’t show up. The only thing that we will miss is the distinct smell of Doritos that seems to ooze from your skin and the tumbleweed on your face that you call a beard. I would ask you to shave it but I am afraid that the face that we would see would give Chuck Neal an ego boost. (and we can’t have that)

The rest of you have no business writing trash talk emails on MY board. Stay off of it or be embarrassed. You all know that if it wasn’t for me…this trophy wouldn’t even exist. Once again I will say that I have made the greatest impact on this game than any other player in its history!  Oh yeah, see any resemblance:

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Ha! The Paul Giamati-Chuck Neal scenario! Whodathunkit? As far as threats go, this is trash talk you little fiends. And if you can't take it, don't dish it. Any fighting results in an ejection even if it is friends and family....and I mean that you have to leave the game and not what happens at other times. That being said, does this post not rival Swill for longevity?

Hey ladies, i am not elligble for this yea'rs all ways insinifigant Toilet Bowl, but i want you to know that i will be watching all of you fat overweight wannabee football players. There are 3 "SUPERSTARS," that i will be really watching this year and Tank if you can count that is 1,2,3: Mr. Jeff "the frill" Hill, Jason Bendall, and My always strangely unisinifigant Uncle Richie. Jeff- i cant wait for my cousin Cody to run all over you. Maybe you can bring your spandex wearing cousin to complete the Ace and Gary show. Bendall- i would love to see you actually do something besides playing patty cake with the wabbit. And last but not least my one and only dear Uncle Richie- I cannot wait to see bent over vommiting your Breakfast of Champions all over the feild as every single person who thinks he knows how to play football runs circles around your pleasntly plump self. How can I submit trash talk without addressing Tank. Qouting from Billy Madison: Kunditiner iz Butter.

Sincerely,
your future 2009 ToiletBowl MVP

EDITOR'S NOTE:
There are times in your life when you swell with pride and this is one of them. Poobah hereby recognizes Eli "The Phenom" Willard as the youngest trash talk on these hallowed boards. However, you are docked points for not listing me as someone to watch and for STILL having my Call of Duty 4 game.

Being one of the Original TBers, I will make a surprise appearence to this years game. You know you need a TB Hall of Fame w/ induction ceremony, fancy jacket, crappy trophy to give to the enshrined TB great! I'm assuming no one can make a bronze bust. see you at the game! Mark "Super Fly" Ebersold

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Ask and ye shall receive...in most games. But this is THE MOST INSIGNIFICANT GAME EVER Mr. Ebersold! You may be a legend, but Poobah determines who is inducted!!! These trophies are made of the highest quality cardboard and laced with 24carat gold spray paint. You should be honored and not demand it. Obama ain't in office yet, so no handouts at our grand old game. But in your case, Poobah respects your contributions. Come out and let us induct you.

wow Landon where did y'all find this guy, whats his name oh yeah Jason bendall i guess the Toilet bowl HQ does not do back ground checks on its players any more or y'all would have found that he was just recently paroled from jail, where he must have shared a jail cell with joe bennett. This is the only explanation about his knowledge of this game. Jeff Hill still crying because nobody throws you the ball and how you are cheated out of the MVP every year. Look all the athletic skills you have were all used up while in the back room of greg hall's house while you two were looking at a Victoria's secrets magazine. Big Momma, what a joke we all know that Lanny is glad you come out every year so he has someone to carry his jock strap, which we all know this job is shared between you and tank. I guess tank you should be happy you and Lanny are a happy couple again because we all see how hurt Richie is, since his boyfriend Chad no longer comes to play and be his personal cheer leader. Maybe that is why Richie has let himself go and become so fat and his game to be the horrible disgrace that it has become. Well Richie maybe if your good this Christmas maybe Santa chad will buy you a lift for the mini van. Just Remember The woman's pet the mans regret is no longer Richie Big Momma Willard. REST IN Peace Big Momma.Good luck to everyone

EDITOR'S NOTE:
I'm not sure if I should be flattered or I should take a shower after reading this. Mackster is away in Illinois and TBHQ isn't sure if he's coming back, but Poobah is willing to bet that by running his mouth like this, Mack's not coming back anytime soon.

Tank, are we ever going to hear anything from your grill besides "I am the only one who has ever played pro ball" yeah, yeah....your a physical phenomenon....we get it. So what if the NFL, AFL, CFL, NFL Europe, and XFL all passed on you. Personally, I thought if you were 6 feet tall and fat, you could line up for anyone if you could walk in a straight line. In lineman camp, ....nevermind, you were cut there too. You and I both know...as well as everyone else out there knows I am the only true athlete playing here. Swill tells me so, so I know it must be true. I know, the man has it out for you but LET IT GO! By the way, the chino's I played ball with could block for more than 1 second without falling on the ground from fatigue. I will give you props for the musical idea.....I think that's a winner. Richie can sing "Here I go again on my own", followed by Cody's rendition of "Nobody needs nobody" by Master P. his idol. His 'homies" can all have a mic too so they don't think another white boy is trying to steal their music.

Cody, is there anyway you can look anymore like all the other rich punks out there. The long hair that runs over your face, the crooked smirk that makes you feel superior to the lesser fortuned. You are the quintessential college kid, brash, full of dumb ideas and always thinking your crap doesn't stink. You know it all my friend, except how to throw a ball thirty feet. Using your youth to run up and down the field will only help you against the old men, but not me. Look no further as to who will stop you this turkey day...my cousin won't be there for me to shut down so I can put all my attention towards you.

Niiiice!

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Methinks someone needs to take a chill-pill. This is trash talking in good fun Jeffrey. it loses its appeal when you lump in the plight of the downtrodden and less fortunate and equate it to a flag football game played on Thanksgiving. I can start a forum for political talk if you want but somehow I don't think your nickname of "tha Thrill" would translate very well. Stick to what ya know my friend and let's keep it at that. I have to say though that this Cody looks stunning in a bikini. Is this look Magnum or Blue Steel?

Wow! It is truly amazing what nonsense flows out of the mouths of idiots.

Scot Finley, your ego is much deserved after all you have done for this insignificant game, however, its kind of like winning a race at the Special Olympics, even if you’re in first place… you’re still retarded. You will be best remembered, for being nothing, which kinda defeats the purpose of being remembered.

Wes Blanton, after reading your uneducated mind-numbing ramblings, I wasted four minutes of my life, which could have been better served doing anything else. Go back to the double wide from whence you came & put your shirt back on. This site is accessible to kids, for crying out loud. Although the picture of yourself you posted did remind me to go TiVo Cops: Season 3… You made me think of a new reality show, “Trailer Park Tales –Life as White Trash.”

Swill, in your head, did all your gibberish make sense? Because although it was quite humorous, it sounded like Scott Willard’s autobiography, but if he was to write a book, it would be ironic, because it would be one more than he has read in his life.

Jeff Hill, I looked at the video of last year’s game, and the only time you showed up on the video was to accept your wife’s trophy… Hmmm, ya know it really is sad that she wouldn’t let you come out and play. Maybe she can play this year, and beat you for the Athletic Prowess award too! And by the way, if you and Kim ever get divorced… would you still remain brother and sister? Not sure of the law on that one… Don’t be jealous of my truly amazing facial fur, you are understandably angry because I grow more hair on my back than you do on your chin. And yes, I know what excellence looks like; I see it in the mirror every morning!

Dustin Keith, tall, ugly, and… I wish I had another adjective that properly describes you… hmmm, maybe… doughy? You are much like a totem pole; yoursole purpose is for people to look at and go “WOW I wonder what that’s all about?" But nobody in fact knows why you exist or what your purpose is. Every time that I’ve ever seen you, you’ve been shoulder deep in Richie’s tailpipe. You are insignificant in all that you do.

Cody, young Cody, you are truly remarkable to watch; speed, finesse, raw athletic talent, you have them all, but what you lack is the ability to understand that you are a Willard; therefore you are pre-destined to be fat, slow & utterly useless. Enjoy your youth before your family name catches up with you. You are just a few short years from being Lanny, but without the glorious locks of gold.

Richie, I really didn’t want to have to bring you into this year’s Trash Talk, but how could we appropriately celebrate Thanksgiving without giving thanks for your insignificance. Because of your ineptitude, we can all be a little more thankful every year that we are not you! And just curious, where did “Big Momma” come from? I guess “Big Daddy” would be false advertising, seeing how you are neither big nor masculine. If you take used Play-doh out of the container and plop it down the table that could best describe your shape. But then again, Play-doh is WAY more useful that you are.

Josh, I really didn’t want to go on and on trashing you, but after hearing of your cute new nickname, I couldn’t help but think… “Silly Wabbit, MVPs are for winners!” You suck at life, get used to it.

Scott Lee, continue to be worthless in the Toilet Bowl and lets all hope that you will start a trend, so we can all show up and do nothing, but still get “Poobah points”.

Poobah, I will leave you alone in this edition of Trash Talk, because after seeing you in your sad existence of a life, I thought to myself, “Does he really need to be told that he is a loser?” What good would stating the obvious do?

Later, chumps!

Bendall

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Aside from the Poobah comments (which are outright lies. I'm pretty awesome) I'd have to say that this is a well-rounded post. You attacked everyone, old and new...even Poobah the First. This is proof that Jerry's Kids can grow up and be successful. Just like your on-field antics, your trash talk post was good at HOLDING......my attention. And yes, Tank does need to learn to spell check. It's embarrassing.

tOk, who ever Wes "Bentley" Blanton is, you are on the list. I don't know or remember you so you must not be very important or significant anyway. I am sure you have never watched by definition a great film but here is why you are know known as Bentley( Wes Bentley is the schmuck who filmed the paper bag scene in American Beauty)...this is how I will remember you once I smell you on the gridiron. Calling Poobah a Kevin Bacon look a like will not win you any accolades with him since that one has been done many times before. your trash talking skills are horrible...all you can say is what everyone knows already. Tank can't spell or use complete sentences, well WHOOPIDY DOOO!!! And you coming at me with I can do something worthy in the game....please, spare me the fake compliments like telling everyone I'm the sole complainer in this game. I could care less how I spell in this forum Mr. Wizard. This isn't grammar school, stop lecturing everyone about grammar mistakes pony boy, you are worthless in a meaningless game...how does that make you feel?

Swill, like checking on the village will do anything but make us even prouder than before....what's wrong with Wooddale you Barney fife look a like, no talent smudge on the bottom of Brian Shelby's high tops. Class dismissed..... the homeless wouldn't take that class if you were serving steak and lobster. Either way, your 5 MVP's are in your dreams and our nightmares for constantly hearing about them.

Chody...are you kidding me? I can run circles around you and all your "College" buds and you know it. You secretly live in fear that you will be exposed as a fake, wannabe athlete. I have seen the pictures of you playing flag football. You need the practice. I on the other hand just show up and dominate. I am sure you just added me because you had nothing better to do and that's fine...just trying to be a good guy here and add my friends lame nephews. The picture of me and my wife(which you will never have since you still masquerade with freak baby Elvis in Graceland in your spare time... which you apparently have a ton of) is in San Francisco and you didn't even make it look bad. What a tool...."Look dad, I photo shopped a picture of that awesome football player and his wife. I made their heads big and I put a chef's apron on him...he he he". At least I don't have quotes on my facebook page about my own friends...it's supposed to be from a FAMOUS person "COLLEGE" man. The "only " reason you have the job you are in anyway is because of who you know...not what you know....man I hate the privileged you uppity, snooty, fake little wannabe rapper. I would have eyes behind my back if I were you come Turkey day...you CAN"T outrun me son.

Hey look it's the Eddie Munster/gypsy Elvis with lackey.   He said "this kid knew so much about elvis. He was devoted. and amazing".

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Haha! This one made Poobah laugh...Facebook is a heckuva thing. I can't really laugh at the Elvis impersonator for fear of the Elvis Nation...that and I'm a member of the Elvis Fan Club.

From: Jeff "Tank" Tankersley
Date: 11/20/2008
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Well I am glad to see that Lanny loves to carefully leave out letters and whole words from my trash talk. Just like a blond-headed indin to take something that didn't belong to him...or was that us that took from his people? I guess that is what you get when you can Jew (I can say that) a whole race out of a continent and trade it for whiskey and a mirror. Badger, you're just jelous cause your dog loves me more, and my spell check works just fine.
I will be happy to come out and defend the honor that I have deserved for years, considering that I’m the only one that has EVER relly played football (Jeff, the circle jerks that you and your boyfriends had in high school, even though they were rough play, doesn’t count).
I am the Darth visor mastermind of Toilet Bowl lore, so it is only fitting that I have a game plan to secure it once more (MVP, that is),
Richie…..hummmm. Well I guess the old saying is true, “Those that cannot do, talk!” Thus, I guess that is why you have consistently won an award for talking a good game, but never…ever…ever…. backed it up…... I gues if it were a contest for conveying steal signs from first base, none of us could hold a candle to your skills, but this is actually a game that takes athletic ability, so you’re just S.O.L. An just an FYI, the poor sportsmanship outburst and the end of the game last year will be dealt with…..I remember, but don’t worry it will be quick and just hurt a little…well maybe a bit more than a little.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Look, Poobah gets accused of a lot of things, but this is ridiculous. I received emails from "someone" and that "someone" had your name all over it. So forgive Poobah for not looking for the serial number on your arm to verify your existence. Nice spellcheck by the way.

Amazing what you find online.  Who knew?  Bichmond, I don't think this is going to help your business.....well at least realty.  Owned!
 
Kriticize

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Kriticize....I'm at a loss for words. You've done some lame-brain things in your life, but then you come back and TOTALLY redeem yourself!....Just kidding. This is by far the lamest trash-talk post ever. You've done nothing but give Richie fodder for his arsenal. You're better than this Chuckles.

Well, well, wel. If all my little cubcakes didnt decide to get a backbone. Since most of you are great with you mouthes I can tell you that I do most of my talkin on the field. Tha Thrill should change his name to trash cuz he hasnt done much in years except wheeze on the sideline while his prety young cousin toasted him. Big Momma needs a new name to but is there another name for a fatter woman? LOL! Chuck Neil please show up on gameday. I need a dark cloud to block the sun.

Get ready for th BLACK SHIRTS come game day and you littl punks better stay out of my way!

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Golf claps everyone...everyone.....another fine effort from our penny-pinching friend from up North. Believe me, college am good for Tank.

Glad to see the Toilet Bowl has signed a four-year, exclusive TV deal with the Weather Channel. This will bring the annual payout to both teams to about 58 cents apiece! Cesspool plans to use these funds on a new weight room. Have a great game; I'll be watching to see if any of my single game records will fall - yards rushing, pass completions, and ... check the "past scores" section for yourself - the most lopsided butt kicking in TB history! Rob McGlasson still hasn't cleaned those grass stains from off his back LOL. Scot Finley (The Academy Class of 81)

EDITOR'S NOTE:
While "the REAL Poobah" immensely respects his mentor, he cannot speak of the "game which shall not be mentioned". And yes, any money we can get, we'll take. In fact Chuck Neal is hosting a bikini car wash in Houston as we speak.

I would like to take this opportunity to officially announce my candidacy for the Trash Talk MVP. Now my statements maybe as insignificant as Ralph Nader is to a Presidential election, but like him, I must let my voice be heard.
With that said, I hate to mention Richie in this because I know that him being talked about only boosts his self-esteem. However, it doesn't take much to boost one's self-esteem when it starts out so low. Anyway, for those of you who try to act young again by having this new thing called Facebook, you may have already seen the pictures that Richie has posted on the Toiletbowl page. For those of you who have no idea what a book of faces is, Richie decided to anonymously (it's a big word, sound it out) post some pictures of Toiletbowl participants accompanied by some "witty" remarks. Here is the picture posted of me: 

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Poobah loves you too Wesley, and a fine first post that was. Poobah is impressed with the proclivity to use "big words". We at TBHQ realize that Cesspool and Quagmire are not universities to "learn good", but rather they are schools to "play good". We attempt to gradually inject the English language in baby steps. Nice pic by the way, you are well on your way to insignificance. Consider yourself under the protection of Poobah.

All this jibberish on here reminds Swill of sitting through a matinee showing of Slithis at the Village Cinema -- all hype, no substance. You girls give Swill a headache...You clowns are nothing but a bunch of thumb sucking, low expectation striving, 1976 LTD driving, boyfriend stealing, ACT cheating, purse clutching, Little Debbie eating, fireworks stand working, trash fish smelling, dirt clod throwing, camper shell living, bottled water drinking, corn cob in the outhouse using, cheap single beer in a paper bag buying, slot machine playing, cigarette bumming, No tag? No insurance? No problem? driving, bumper sticker that says, "Follow me to see Wooddale play" stuck on the station wagon, "Bill Clinton for Prez" T-shirt wearing, pocket knife toting, Phillip Fulmer loving, Tommy West loving, Willie Herenton voting, single cigarette buying, short bus riding, "no, I can't write a complete sentence because I got a Memphis Public School educashun," low IQ, high body odor, one-eye browed pieces of genetic flotsam and jetsam...

There now,...Swill feels better...Class dismissed...

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Wow. This has to be a record for the single-longest run-on sentence EVER with more pop-culture references to Parkway Village than I've ever seen. Somebody call Guinness!

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Once again Mr. Hill has made the mistake of sending email to TBHQ via his wife's email address...so once again we all can thank Jeff for a few days of trash talk material. Swill's 5 MVP's are questionable, but they did occur BP...or Before Poobah as it's known in the industry. It was before the days of luxurious regulation so who's to say who won the MVP? Anybody can. But my vote is for our resident psycho, Swill. It's either that or wake up with a Columbian necktie...

The other day, Jeff Hill requested my friendship on a certain social network. One that is predominately used by college students, and online predators. Since Jeff isn't a college student, I can only assume the latter. But that is neither here, nor there. I grudgingly accepted Jeff as a friend, with hopes that my cool college friends wouldn't notice.

With the recent debate on who wears the pants in Mr. and Mrs. Jeff "way too old to be calling myself Thrill/ I have a facebook" Hill. I thought it would only be right, considering I'm the only one that participates in the Toilet Bowl that has a legitimate shot of obtaining a college degree, thus meaning you will all work for me one day, thus making me the only one who has a legitimate reason for having a facebook account, for me to post a picture I found of the... ummm Thrills.

Does the argument need to go on any further?

Kim Hill For Athletic Prowess MVP in 2008.
Because we know her husband sucks.

Cody Willard
2005 Toilet Bowl Athletic Prowess MVP

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Cody, you've done TOO good of a job at the photoshopping. For this site you have to make it look terrible...remember, strive for insignificance.

Considering the great "poobah" decided to take it upon himself to post for me... I figure I need to drop a line of my own words, considering the poobah can't even hold my jockstrap (even though he has been asking for it since last year). I must admit, coming into last year, I expected some competition. For a game that has been around as long as this, one would think that the vets would actually get better?? If that is the best you can bring, I feel ashamed for all of you and your families. Mrs. Hill: If you could get open in the 2 seconds I had to read the coverage, you would have been the MVP... if.... About recalling your MVP award from a decade prior... Its 2008.... catch up. We won, keep doing whatever it was you were doing... Cesspool: pathetic... never going to win a game without getting into the endzone. You may want to consider finding a ringer at QB.. and WR... and O-line... well you get the point. Basically to have any chance at competing I suggest all of last year's team retire and bring in some new blood. Otherwise, its going to be the same ol story. Wabbit: "That MVP trophy is going to look nice on my mantle" Poobah: "You think you can duplicate that phenomenal performance again this year?" Wabbit: "Why not? Who's going to stop me? Richie??" Poobah: "Good point, Here is your MVP trophy" Wabbit: "Thanks, a year overdue...

EDITOR'S NOTE:
I have no idea what you are talking about Mr. Wabbit. That's slanderous to assume Poobah would post emails for you. The fact is that somebody probably should so none of us have to read this equivalent to third grade ebonics.

Just to let you ladies know, I'm taking down the MVP this year!!!

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Can you really criticize a statement like this? I mean, it's like trying to shoot back at the Cavity Creeps for saying "We Make Holes in Teeth"....Seriously, what do you say?

Well, well, well. Another year has come and gone. “Yes We DID! Yes We DID!” Swill’s proud of you ladies for helping to elect a real President… Poopbah, kudos to you, man, for all you do with this site and keeping this Thanksgiving Day tradition insignificant…And thanks for showing Swill’s first-born the love. Swill is certain his boy will shatter his old man’s record of five Toilet Bowl MVP titles… One slight suggestion, though – Swill proposes the renaming of the Cesspool Plungers to the Cesspool “Chicks” due to all the crying from those “guys”… On the subject of crying, did u say somethin Hill cuz Swill wasn’t listening… Will someone please knock Swill upside his head a few more times? Swill needs to practice crying so Swill can get on his "Tha Thrill" game face. That Allen Iverson bobble head on your dresser just keeps jigglin and jigglin and jigglin, don’t it? Such a mind-scrambling excuse maker you have become… Hey, Bendall…Swill bets you get lost staring at blank pieces of paper too…How dare you imply “The Most Insignificant Game Ever” even remotely consider plans to replace Scott Willard with, perhaps, a lump of clay… Dries and Cody, those burgers aren’t gonna flip themselves, so Swill will excuse y’all now…And make Swill’s super-sized… Swill threw a rock at a garbage can the other day. “Kriticize” popped up and yelled, "Who knocked?!” Finley…How’s your sister doing? Have a wonderful time in Texas… Tank, please tell Swill the rumor floating around down here that you and Scott Lee were Siegfried and Roy for Halloween is false. Still, that doesn’t top Swill hearing that Big Momma dressed up as the Indian from the Village People for one event and Liberace for another... Oh yeah, Big Momma… How many wrinkles are in a horse’s rear end? If you’ll shut up for a minute Swill will count them for you. Swill can hear your Trash Talk MVP acceptance speech now: "I would like to thank all the little people in my life -- like Little Debbie, Sara Lee and Betty Crocker.” Well, Swill sees the short bus turning the corner to collect you boys and girls. Class is now dismissed…

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Much love back to you Swill. I agree with you on many points of interest but one begs to ask the question: what are you talking about? You still have to appreciate that he's hitting everyone. He's lined you all up and walked very fast down the line with one hand up, smacking you all. Bow down to Swill.

First off, I just wanted everyone to know that the player solely responsible(for taking the punishment that is)for "THE BIG HIT" will be in attendance this year barring catastrophy. I am feeling a bit nicer today since I have almost recovered from my illness so....

Thank the Lord for Chuckles return to the game of the year, it's really not the same without you.

Tank, if calling me weak makes you feel more athletic and slim, by all means do it.

Bendall, I can't say anything about you good or bad, I just can't remember you playing at all.

I can't believe a posting without Big Momma on here, has he lost his edge/shape?

Poobah, can you get me on t.v?

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Why yes, I do believe I can get you on tv. Probably on one of those hapless VH1 reality shows for washed up athletes who wish to remain significant in the most insignificant game EVAH. You're right about Bendall though, he must've worn camoflauge that day because I can't seem to recall him being there unless I was on the ground, then he was there. What does that say?

Poobah, the claim that the MVP is yours this year is quite funny. I didn’t know you had a sense of humor, I figured your girlfriend took that when she took your backbone.
Perhaps, if you were the only one showing up you could win, but then again, you still probably couldn’t figure out how to vote for yourself. I heard you took an IQ test and it came back negative. I mean really, how do plan on winning? I’m surprised you even finish the game, when you spend half of the time on your back and the other half crying about…everything!

And to Josh Dries, do we really need to offer anymore short jokes? Surely in your almost 30 years of being 3’4”, you have heard them all. And honestly, there are so many other features about you that can be offered up to insult.
I would imagine that you spend most nights watching infomercials for “the hair club” hoping that they finally come up with a useful product that will grow enough hair on your oddly balding forehead that it takes away from people actually having to look at your face. And yes, you had quite an impressive debut in last years TB, but really, how many times do we have to hear about how you got screwed? I mean even Bret Hart quit crying after a few months.
Your useless crying are almost as lame as Poobah’s $3 hair cut and about as effective as UT football this season. You do however; have the ability to ramble senselessly like a room full of 12 year old girls, which ironically could probably all kick your butt.

Scott Lee? As Poobah’s “right hand”, and groupie, I figured you were just showing up to help Lanny wipe his butt. Did you play in last year’s TB? I thought I saw you there, but every time I looked up you were holding his hand. Wow, you are the true definition of insignificant!

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Bendall, Bendall, Bendover....I mean, you don't insult Poobah's hair. You just don't. You don't spit into the wind, you don't walk outside naked, and you don't EVER insult Poobah's hair. Just because you comb your hair with rocks gives you no right to talk about my luxurious hair. The fact that I was on the ground with you lends itself to your homosexual football style of play (aka HOLDING tightly onto any man that passes you). If Alice In Chains decided to regroup, you still wouldn't make the cut with that Captain Ahad beard of yours. And yes, Scott Lee does love me very much. I can't help that.

Every year da familia goes to TEXAS for Thanksgiving.............. Except this year, we will be there if not too cold kids too. We have kept in touch with Jeff Hill so me & Scrappy Doo should be makin'-a-seen. Keep updating .. Thnx Don't forget I'm the BIG HIT WONDER....

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Poobah forgot to post this one from a while back the BIG HIT Haney. Good to have you back out, and hopefully we can make a Big Hit 2 this year!

So in the grand scheme of things, I wonder if this award would even exist without me. The simple fact that every post has something to do with “Momma” is quite impressive. It is almost like you idiots want to take a shot at greatness. Take your shots….take them well because not one of you will measure up to “Mt. Trash more” (the shrine I have built for my greatness).

Charles Quay Neal, you weren’t at the game last year? Didn’t notice!

Tank…you take a breath not a breathe. Congrats on graduating from U of A though…I hope to graduate next year. Then I will be smart like you and take a “breathe”.

Josh Dries…aka…”little people big world”….what are you saying? The only thing that you did successfully last year was live in your brother’s shadow. He was faster, less gay and taller than you.  It’s like you forgot that HE was the one that could have won the MVP. Seriously, you should stop trying to build yourself up (you need a stack of phone books anyway) and lift up your brother. Between the two of you…you make half a man so that works right?

I did hear that you were going to bring your flag football team out to the game and try and pass them off in costume. Luckily I found this picture of you guys so now everyone knows.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Nice Photoshop skills Richie. I think you may be a little cocky this year and think that this garbage can pass. Believe it or not, the ToiletBowl does have fine standards concerning work like this, and this picture is just as weak as Josh Dries' shortcomings.

Well, I'm glad Poobah took some time out from his busy schedule on the E! network.  You're much better than Greg Kinear.

 
Richie, I don't know when the fascination with me began, but I can hardly blame you.  I mean your fall from grace must have been hard to take.  I assume it began around 9 or so years ago when people stopped thinking you were cool when you finished every sentence with "that's what she said".  So let's get started separating the weak from the chafed, oh budda of booty.  This year our country's election was historic.  Either we would have had our first black president or our first female Vice President.  I believe I started this paradigm shift (look up the words before you continue, Bichmond Lane) when I stepped aside so Kim could claim the MVP.  At best, you finished 3rd.  While my single email ruined your holiday and your game, it would have been irresponsible to take the glory away from the CHICK that owned you. 
 
I originally planned on spending Thanksgiving in Dallas (evac due to hurricane Finley coming to Houston).  As a result, I had been working on a three hour verbal raping of Richie that was to be played during the game on the Toilet Bowl Sony JumboTranny (ironically named after Richie), but delivering this in person is much more satisfying.  Also, the game cannot survive two years in a row without me on the field. 
 
So make up all the words you want, whore yourself out on the Internet, whatever it is you do when you're not NOT selling houses...at the end of the day, you, I, and Kim all know your athletic and trash skills are gone.  Break out your Bedazzler and make a cute jersey for yourself because that's the only bright thing about your future in the TB this year.
 
Kriticize

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Hey...what am I doing on The Soup? Better yet, why are you watching the Soup and not the View? Other than your criticism of Poobah, I can't find a thing wrong with your post. It was almost as if Barrack Obama himself had written this thing.

Ya know, I decided to lay low through the first round of trash talk, just to see what kind of garbage would be spouted out of the mouths of morons. Well, "The Bendall" has decided that it was time to be heard.

Grand Master Poobah - You are wise & kind, but you are also old. Perhaps you would be better suited as a spectator this season. Perhaps you could join Scott Lee and make an insignificant game appearance.

Josh Dries - You were quite impressive in your Toiletbowl debut last year, but your 364 days crying & moaning trumps the one day last year you actually showed a little bit of athletic ability.

"Big Momma" Willard - Over the past year I have come to the conclusion that after hearing you cry about being attacked by everyone's trash talk, that I would use only one trash talk post on you.
So I have chosen to take my one opportunity to debate your statement: "I am in the best shape of my life. I am stronger, faster and prettier than I have ever been."
Yes, you are in shape- if doughy & pudgy are considered shapes...
stronger- only because all man-made deodorants have become immune to your hideous body odor...
faster- you have the speed of a glacier, and that is a major improvement from last year...
prettier- wearing your wife's clothes doesn't make you prettier, only questions your sexuality more..

And in closing, Scott Willard, you came out of "retirement" last year only to get your butt handed to you my expense, perhaps you should join Billy and referee, because you obviously are out of your league now!
If your were a racehorse, you would have been shot and made into glue.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Poobah may be wise and kind, but at least Poobah knows how to type in complete sentences so the general public doesn't think "Frankenstein" wrote it. "Learning good" comes with old age, so do proper shaving habits. There's no room for a fat version of Gandolph the Gray in the ToiletBowl.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Wittle Wabbit...classic. Josh Dries now has a new nickname!

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Thank God Tank is back. The boards just weren't the same without you.

Let me clear one thing up: I should have been last year's MVP if it weren't for some lame rule from "wise" Poobah. And I never cared about the Trash Talk MVP award anyway. Who wants a cardboard trophy for being able to run your mouth?

What are you going to come back with? Short jokes? I thought you would. Keep in mind that this "5 foot nothing" ran ALL OVER you out-of-shape wusses last year. Count me in as the MVP this year.

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Wise Poobah has many rules to unleash on you, Short Round. For instance, I can setup a stand (like they use at amusement parks) and keep you from coming on the adult rides...but I'm sure you're already familiar with adult rides.

Alas, I will be in Houston, Texas this Thanksgiving but already my heart and mind are turning to the first bowl game of this football season. And, alas, it appears that neither Cesspool or Quagmire will be invited to one of the BCS bowls where they belong but will yet again be matched in the most insignificant of bowls, the one with the least payout and smallest television audience. Lace em up gentlemen! I'll be watching!

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Great Poobah the 1st, you will be missed. Maybe this year the real Poobah can let his hair down and not have to work under judging eyes.

Tank wins the MVP? Did everyone miss the game last year and feel sorry for Cartman?

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Tru' dat. "Defensive genius"? I think not.

Well, well, well...as I sit here and watch the sun glare off of the 4 trophies sitting in my window...I am reminded of how these trophies came to be. I have spent countless hours talking about the trials and tribulations of one Charles Quay Neal only to realize that I have won many a trophy on his back. So heres to you Mr. unathletic trash talk muse guy....without you...we would never have enough material to have an award. Your level of pathetisicism (thats a word now) has actually raised the level of what the hobo's on trains think that they can do. So step up and claim your award....Because no one else does "pathetic" like you! THere will be more trash flowing...this is the warm up, stretches if you will. I am in the best shape of my life. I am stronger, faster and prettier than I have ever been . This year....the MVP is mine. No one can or will stand in my way!

EDITOR'S NOTE:
I think I'm going to bring in a 3rd party to run the game this year so I can at least attempt to dethrown Richie since none of you panzies will do anything about it. If I had a time machine I would never have created this darn-fangled Trash Talk award.

It pains me, I mean really pains me to have to list Kim Hill as the Trash Talk MVP. No disrespect towards Kim but she posted ONE EMAIL...by mistake and won this award. My brother, the reigning 4-time champ refused to take it again. Chuck Neal runs away and hides from Richie and last year could have been his year. At least these tricks try to talk. I mean, do none of you have anything to say? Don't make Poobah go and win his own award. It would be embarrassing.

You floppy-cheeked has-beens might want to take offense that Jeff Hill's wife won the award, and she's not even a player. Sure she could beat you at Halo, but come on!

The ones I'm disappointed in:

Cody Willard: you run your mouth non-stop but refuse to do it here. Don't worry, I'll do it for you.
Jacob Willer: Jake, can you not work a computer?
Chad Deaton: Geez, can anyone else claim to the the "best of the best" and still not perfrom?
Jeff Tankersley: Just because you can't type doesn't mean you can't talk trash.
Jeff Hill: Please, do men all over the world a favor and type one more email than your wife does.
Chuck Neal: Please finish what you started.
Josh and Jacob Dries: You don't get a free ride into the game and then not participate. I expect big things from you two.
Clay Jones: Golf clubs are one thing, Poobah's fury at you not being able to operate a keyboard are another.
Jason Bendall: Love-child of the Swedish Chef and Molly Hatchet....keep it coming.
Ken Wilbanks: Please teach Mason that the computer is OK to use. If he can now play, show him the way of the meandering sentence.
Richie Willard: Mr. "Let's just give up"...ugh...I can't believe you won the 4 years before and I believe the only reason you did is because I have to set these out. It's not really fair for Poobah to win his own award. So please, attack somebody.

If your name is not on here you aren't worthy of the poo on the bottom of my shoe. Years from now I'll walk the fields of Powell Road and stop to look at the foreign substance that's logged underneath my walker. I'll lean down to see a sticky mess of dried dookie and bubblegum and think, "that reminds me of IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS BECAUSE YOU ARE INSIGNIFICANT!!! The fact that I've forgotten your name is testament to the fact that you truly are insignificant and have failed to make Poobah notice you. If ever there was a time to win a cardboard trophy spray painted gold, now is the time to step up. It's not like you've done anything else with your life.